Employee out of office, boss out of line
DEAR ANNIE
Dear Annie: I recently returned from a lovely two-week vacation to Europe with my husband. It's rare that we get a trip like this, so we were looking forward to it, and it did not disappoint!
I set clear expectations with my team at work beforehand that I'd be fully off work. Everyone respected that — except my boss, who texted me not once but twice with inconsequential questions he could have easily directed to anyone else on my team. This happened last year, too, which I chalked up to a fluke at the time, but now I'm wondering if it's a pattern.
I'm incredibly conscientious at work and would never normally ignore a message. But my vacation time is mine, and I resent feeling on call even when I'm not. Do I say something directly or just let this go? — Not Actually Off
Dear Not Actually Off: You don't need a full-on confrontation, but you do need a boundary. Next trip, turn off notifications entirely rather than just planning to ignore them, and let an out-of-office message point people to your back-up contact.
When you're back, don't apologize for the silence. A simple "I was fully unplugged, as planned" makes it clear that this wasn't an oversight on your end — and that he shouldn't expect you to be on call while taking already approved time off.
Dear Annie: My mom recently went down a rabbit hole of self-help books. She's gotten a lot out of them, and they've inspired real changes: She goes for walks every morning now and gave up social media entirely. She seems to be in a much better place, and I'm happy about that.
The problem is she treats every book's advice as gospel and repeats it to me constantly. I mentioned I was tired the other day, and she launched into a monologue about "morning routines" and how mine is probably sabotaging my whole day. If I complain about a stressful week at work, she asks if I've tried gratitude journaling. She'll bring up recommendations for "optimizing" my day completely unsolicited. I don't want to discourage her newfound happiness, but I'm tired of feeling like I have a life coach. Do I say something or just wait it out? — Not Taking Notes
Dear Not Taking Notes: You can be excited for your mother without signing up as her student. Say it once: "I'm so happy you've found what works for you, but we don't all need the same recipe for happiness. I'm good with mine."
If her comments continue, a simple "Thanks, Mom" before changing the subject is a better use of energy than a new confrontation each time. Eventually, the novelty of morning walks and social media cleanses will wear off. While the habits will hopefully stay, the lectures should subside.
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