OK, people, once and for all, let’s learn how to wash our filthy hands.
Washing your hands – sing happy birthday, not ‘In-Gadda-Da-Vida’
Scott Hollifield is editor/GM of The McDowell News in Marion, N.C and a humor columnist. Contact him at rhollifield@mcdowellnews.com.
A $145 million out-of-this-world marriage proposal?
Congratulations slackers, underachievers and goof-offs – you win.
As a former child, onetime college student and eventually the father of my very own former child and onetime college student, I know first-han…
On Sept. 8, my hometown, the thriving micropolis of Marion, North Carolina, will host our state’s biggest and best (and, so far, o…
Back in 1980, country music star Bobby Bare released an album called “Drunk & Crazy,” which, as one might guess from the title, was not a …
Author’s note: Still reeling from the death of Burt Reynolds -- Smokey could not catch the Bandit, but time could -- I found myself unable to …
What would a long-dead 20th century Hall of Fame coaching legend know about 21st century audiovisual technology?
According to a new scientific study of stupid behavior leading to terrible yet predictable consequences, more than 250 people have been killed…
I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I would have been much duller had I not had access to books at an early age.
According to a study by Mattress Advisor, Taco Bell is by far the favorite late-night dining spot for people who down three quarts of Colt .45…
As a fractured, rebuilt and blended family with lots of blood kin and non-blood kin who enjoy each other’s company, we’ve nearly set the woods…
If it’s got a good beat and easy to dance to, it might save a life.
Author’s note: Along with leftover turkey sandwiches, please enjoy this column originally published a few years back.
World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH), a consumer safety group, has named its “10 Worst Toys for 2018,” a list of hunks of plush and plastic…
As the theoretical cigar-chomping, hooch-swilling, skirt-chasing, cholesterol-lowering-medication-taking, underpaid and overworked 1930s newsp…
Nothing is as simple as it seems, not even a dog leash.
As an American, I believe I have the God-given Constitutional right to bear nunchucks and beat the ever-loving stuffing out of anyone who look…
According to a just-released study, ultra conservatives over the age of 65 were more likely to share a “news” story on social media claiming H…
Those who read offbeat stories in a futile attempt to block out depressing political news like I do may have seen this viral story by now: A T…
Those who know me and still talk to me know I always wanted to be a wheelin’-dealin’ kiss-stealin’ gear-jammin’ coffee-slammin’ truck-driving …
As Johnny Cash said many times, "Love is a burning thing and it makes a fiery ring."
Author’s note: With Kim Jong Un featured prominently in the news and a couple of my vacation days coming up, I thought this would be the perfe…
I don’t want to say Catherine wasn’t on the up and up, but it sure seems like she wasn’t on the up and up.
Kids, do not eat bombardier beetles or two-day old snow.
I expected to fight my way in and fight my way back out.
Sometimes, I am right.
Putting myself in porn star Stormy Daniels’ shoes for a minute, which I swear never crossed my mind until now, I asked myself this question: W…
This is a story about a toy train that saved the day.
Zombie raccoons are devastating Ohio and will soon destroy life as we know it.
In the name of science – and because I knew there would be no peace until I did it – I spent most of a Sunday afternoon driving my senior biol…
Once again, the public demands more news about monkeys and I, as the theoretical cigar-chomping, hooch-swilling, skirt-chasing, cholesterol-lo…
A Massachusetts preschool, according to published reports, discourages youngsters who attend from using the phrase “best friend” because it ma…
In microwave oven news, a Denver, Colorado woman was cited by police after a plastic bottle of urine she was heating up before a pre-employmen…
The soon-to-be college graduate, decked out in cap and gown and prepared for the packed-house ceremony that would signify the completion of fo…
I went to a Willie Nelson show and a news event broke out.
